NEVER EVER DO EAR SURGERY ON YOUR KIDS

First – NEVER EVER ATTEMPT IMPROMPTU EAR SURGERY ON YOUR CHILDREN, OR ANYONE ELSE’S. EARS ARE VERY DELICATE AND FRAGILE AND UNLESS YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE DOCTORS, YOU ARE STUPID TO TRY IT.

Second – That being said, here’s some tips:
1. Get good lighting – a maglight with fresh batteries works great.
2. Get a good view of the obstruction – before you begin any work, make sure you see the problem and identify it correctly. Be at least 90% sure you actually see the problem. It helps to have a reference ear to look at. Books are nice, but rarely resemble the real thing. If you can look in a different child’s ear to see what its SUPPOSED to look like, that’s good.
3. A Leatherman tool is too big.
4. The hook on a nail file (from toenail clippers) doesn’t work – it doesn’t hook enough.
5. Two small flat-head screw drivers are the right size, but the handles are too big and I only have two hands.
6. Good old fashioned tweezers work well and are easy to handle.
7. Having other children hold the patient’s ear doesn’t work well because they get distracted easy.
8. Make sure you take away the Leatherman from the other children – they might try to pinch your patient causing them to jump.
9. If you can’t get a good grip on the obstruction, first pour water in the ear to soften the obstruction and help it expand outwards – making it easier to grab.
10. You have to be good at holding the ear at the right angle and the maglight in the right place at the same time (with the same hand) - practice makes perfect.
11. Make sure you get everything out.

Third - NEVER EVER ATTEMPT IMPROMPTU EAR SURGERY ON YOUR CHILDREN, OR ANYONE ELSE’S. EARS ARE VERY DELICATE AND FRAGILE AND UNLESS YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE DOCTORS, YOU ARE STUPID TO TRY IT.